Whoa! What a week it has been! I Might just leave it there, you all know what I mean. OK, indulge me a little further….
This is not a political opinion piece, so stay with me. I’m not going to furiously argue my view, I’d make a rubbish politician. I’m just observing and commentating (from the back, staying out of trouble, mostly).
So in a week where a Referendum has divided a nation, friendship groups and families, I have found myself feeling pretty low. So, as usual, I am turning to mockery to cheer myself up.
Last Thursday Britain decided to leave Europe, then on Monday England decided to leave Europe. Seriously can everyone just stop leaving Europe? It’s getting embarrassing! Most of it is pretty nice, I know lots of Europeans, they’re good people.
And so, strategically positioned media coverage and social media mayhem has portrayed the British people as a bunch of stupid, unfriendly, neanderthal racists, regardless of whether you voted Leave or Remain. Normally I’d write something flippant after a name calling jibe, like “I’ve been called worse” but in this case, I really really haven’t!
And this historical event was apparently an open invitation to #BringOutYourCrazy. My God it’s been like a madhouse.
All the news coverage is on immigration of course because it’s a ratings-puller. Accompanied with sound bites of Nige saying outrageously ridiculous things (on our behalf *sad face* *shudder*), endless footage of Dave appearing sad & embarrassed and Gove looking like a startled hamster caught in headlights (see image below). “Who me?” ….*Sigh*.
Whether you see Briton’s exit from the EU as a messy disaster or an undiscovered opportunity, I’m just not really sure these are the best people to represent us good folk. I wonder if Rod, Jane and Freddy are available….wait….are they all still alive?
Talking of leaving, Jezza’s not getting the message is he? Like a Toddler being asked to leave the soft play, except all reasonable negotiations have broken down. Do you think he’ll go for a Digestive or are we going to have to up our game and get a Chocolate Hobnob?
A Few Observations Before We All Move On:
YOUR VOTE WILL COUNT – for those now declaring they were confused about this [insert emoji, the one with the shocked faced – ‘HERE’]. It’s just basic maths. Two boxes available, you put a cross in the one you like best and then lots of nice people add them up. Box with the most crosses wins.
So for next time, as you’re highly unlikely to have a f’ing clue which box the other 30 odd million people prefer, you should assume that your vote will make a difference.
POLITICIANS LIE – newsflash people! Yes, I know it’s shocking, isn’t it? Some naughty people just say stuff to get you to like them and then go back on it once they have got where they need to be. Are you new at this? Oh well not to worry, no biggy *smiley face*
WE NEED NEW LEADERS – and quickly. Voting democratically doesn’t seem to be working that well. What else could we do? What about a Wipeout style contest (minus Richard Hammond). If Gove got up on those big red balls I may forgive everything, sod it I might even vote for him.
SOME OF US NEED A LITTLE TIME ON THE NAUGHTY STEP – some of us, when tensions and emotions were high last week, may have made some sweeping statements about the intellect of the Leave voters. Eek… All in jest, I might add but yes ok I’m going to the step and I promise not to get up to tell you I need a wee or a biscuit or that I have a really good idea that you simply must hear right this second.
WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER – grab a [Leaver] / [Remainer] *delete as appropriate. Ruffle them on the head and come on let’s all be friends. We have a long journey ahead of us and apparently there’s no plan. BoGo filed that under ‘L’ for ‘Let’s do that another day, it’ll all be fine. So we need to stick together.
– The word Tw*t. This fella has shot up massively in popularity in the last week. Good for him, I’m a fan
– The Irish Passport Administration Team. They have no immediate job security worries
– Dave, who now has to pack, everyone hates packing, right? And must explain to his children that they need to leave their massive luxurious mansion…. for another massive luxurious mansion. Sad times….
– England football supporters who voted Remain. Wow! Things can only get better for you guys….
Love as always xx
**Yes I do obviously realise that this situation is quite serious and people are worried about the future. So just in case something really bad happens I reserve the right to un-say all of the above and will gladly refund all readers on this post.
***Yes I am aware that BoGo have now unceremoniously parted company. “Boris, would you like any help with that knife in your back”? But the image is way too hilarious for me to consider removing it.